This is my original entry for the contest. Enjoy. Bob was a simple fellow. Law abider, goes to his nine-to-five job five days a week. He lives a quiet, and simple life. Ordinary. Nothing weird or out of control. He liked his life. Things seemed to go his way, everyday. All he asks for after working a busy day was to have some peace and quiet. To be able to kick his feet up, grab a cold brewsky, and watch his favorite American football team on his 50 inch flat screen. He hasn't missed a single game in the last 5 years, and nothing is going to stop him now. Until one day, something happened that was so catastrophic and diabolical, something he would never wish upon his worst of enemies. He lost his television remote. The day seemed to go so right. He had gotten a promotion. A date with his coworker Angela, who he had been trying to get with for what seemed like a lifetime. On top of all that, he had won 500 dollars in cold hard cash from a bet he made 2 weeks ago. He was on top of the world. No bad luck was going to happen today, so he thought. He looked everywhere for the remote. Underneath the couch, on the table, even the freezer! This multi-buttoned device was nowhere to be found. "ALL I WANTED WAS TO WATCH THE DAMN GAME!" he exclaimed angrily as he kicked a hole in the wall, pissed off at the world because he was going to miss the game of the lifetime, all because this one item was lost forever. *SHUFFLE SHUFFLE* All of a sudden, a small noise was heard. *SHUFFLE teehee SHUFFLE* The noise was heard again, with a little giggle. Bob looked around. Couldn't find anything. "Where the hell is that noise coming from?" asked Bob. *SHUFFLE SHUFFLE* "Okay, that's enough! Who is in here!?" Bob was frantic, he started panicking. He looked around some more. Then he noticed something moving in the hole he had just made with his size 12 sneakers. Bob moved closer to the wall. "Are you in there?" He asked inside the hole. "Listen you small, little bastard, I'm going to find you! I bet you are the one who stole my remote, aren't you!" Bob heard something drop. Was that his remote? Did these little beings steal his remote, trying to make his life miserable? Bob had to find out and see. Bob grabbed the phonebook out of the junk drawer. He flipped through pages and pages to see what to do about his little problem. After ten minutes of impatiently flipping through each paper, and dealing with a very painful paper cut in the process, he found just the man he was looking for. The ad had read: VICTOR CHORIZO - Lost your TV remote because some weird little creature in your walls stole it? Well I have JUST the solution for you! It was like a sign from the television gods! He quickly grabbed his cell phone and dialed the number. *BRRRR BRRRR* "Victor Chorizo, your TV Troll Removal Specialist, how may I help you today?" answered the man on the other side. Bob had explained his problem. In about 15 or so minutes he heard someone knocking at the door. Bob, being paranoid as he is, looked through his peephole. It was a small man, with a bit of a chunky build. The man was holding what looked like a small jetpack. It wasn't exactly how he imagined Victor to look like. He answered the door. "You must be Mr. Chorizo?" said Bob, with a slight look of confusion on his face. "Yup that be me!" said the man at the door. He walked in and put his device on the floor. "You seem to have a bit of a TV troll problem, or at least that's what I hear." "Uh sure?" Bob was still confused. What was a TV troll and why was it in his house to begin with? Was there really enough cases of these things stealing TV remotes that there has to be an actual business based around catching these little critters? And what was with that weird thingamajig that Victor was carrying around with him? He certainly hoped he didn't walk around with that thing all the time, even more so to his house. He could only imagine what his neighbors would think. "So, uh, what's that?" asked Bob as he pointed to the machine? "Oh this? This is just a little thing I invented a few years ago. It's the Deluxe Shrinkerizer 2.5, but you can call her Betty." explained Victor. He seemed proud of "Betty". Like it was the only thing left he had in this world. "Okay, well, what the hell does it do? Will it solve my problems before the big game tonight?" Bob was full of questions. This day was getting weirder and weirder as time blew passed. He wasn't expecting some weird little creature stealing the one thing he needs to watch the game. "Oh definitely! This bad girl will be able to shrink you and me down to size and we will be able to get your remote in no time flat!" said Victor excitedly. "So, shall we get started?" Victor turned "Betty" on with a flick of a switch. "It has to warm up for a few minutes." he said. About ten minutes passed. "Okay are you ready!?" Bob nodded his head. Victor extended what looked like a flashlight attached to a small cord and pointed it at Bob. A bright light came out the end, and before he knew what hit him, Bob was as tiny as a mouse. Victor joined shortly. Both of them ventured off into the hole. What they found was a huge surprise. "It's like a town in my walls!" Bob exclaimed, shocked to find what he saw. "How did these things get in here and set up an establishment like this without me knowing?!" They ventured into the TV troll town. Ahead of them, they saw three trolls carrying the remote that was stolen from Bob's living room. "Listen, you don't want to startle them," Victor explained. "These guys are known to be vicious at times, and will attack if you make any sudd-" "HEY YOU!" Bob yelled. "GIVE ME BACK MY DAMN REMOTE YOU THIEVES!" The trolls turned. They didn't look like any troll you had ever seen. They had the body of a chubby man, dog ears, a pig snout, and eyes that look like the TV channels with nothing on them, all static-like. "Oh my God they are hideous!" Bob said with a disgusted look on his face. "Well, I warned you not to startle them. When you do that, you trigger a defense like mode, and start making an ear-piercing noise that annoy any TV watcher out there." explained Victor. And then came a noise so annoying, so diabolical, not even the most patient TV watcher could withstand. It was white noise. The noise grew louder and louder. "Here, I brought these in case we needed them!" Victor said as he pulled out some ear-plugs from his pocket. "In order to defeat them, all you need to do is put your finger in their nose! That is their most sensitive spot on their bodies, and when touched, they immediately fall down!" "Okay that seems simple enough!" said Bob. He was wrong. As soon as he approached the trolls, one of them flipped him on his backside. It hurt like hell. All three of them were staring down at him, baring their teeth, still making that white noise. Though as soon as the fight was about to start, it had ended. Bob woke up on his bed. It was all a dream. "Psh, there are no such thing as TV trolls, what a stupid dream." Bob was now wide awake. He walks downstairs to his living room. No hole in the wall, no shuffling noises. No need to call someone who's last name is a spicy Mexican sausage. He plops right on his couch, kicks his feet up, looks on the table for the remote . . . . . . and the remote is gone. The end?
I was going to enter this one, but it's way too long and clearly isn't a poem or lyrics, so I didn't want to break any rules.
If you made it a bit more rhythmic and assonant and stuff you could probably have passed it off as a poem. Then again that's what I sort of tried to do when I tossed my entry off and it didn't work haha.
Really, poetry doesn't have to have any rhyme so you could have basically just reformatted it into a more poetry like style, visually. Something like Bob was a simple fellow. Law abider, goes to his nine-to-five job five days a week. He lives a quiet, and simple life. Ordinary. Nothing weird or out of control. He liked his life. Things seemed to go his way, everyday. All he asks for after working a busy day was to have some peace and quiet. To be able to kick his feet up, grab a cold brewsky, To watch his favorite American football team on his 50 inch flat screen. He hasn't missed a single game in the last 5 years, and nothing is going to stop him now. Until one day, Something happened that was so catastrophic and diabolical, something he would never wish upon his worst of enemies. He lost his television remote. etc, etc. But really, I like this one better!