NOTE: This poem is slightly graphic and contains some somewhat disturbing imagery. Predator Of Sorrow You stare at me with those eyes, Those eyes swollen, screaming, pleading for assistance, However you shall only receive pity. Don’t expect this man to help this infant mind. No time for those who waste life, On trivial games, celebrating over that which is bleak and sombre. All the while hoping to the heavens, No one would expect the unexpected; no one would see you for what you really are. Alone, always and forever alone. Dead to those who don’t care but not alive to those who do. Are you the walking dead? Or are those dead memories and remorseful tears walking all over you? Hollow, like an empty eggshell, Like that of which we all had walked on just to keep you satisfied and alive Just to see you smile. You’re twisted, A misfit, even to those who cannot smile and love and care for another soul. And while the fields of barly are gold, You run through them not for the summer breeze but to escape. No escape for you I’m afraid, Are you afraid? Are you scared of your fate? Are you scared about the thoughts I might be thinking? Bless you child for I am only a servant, I serve my dues like the baker bakes his bread, like the farmer sows his seeds. Yes, we all have needs dear. Your need is to feed on the attention that you will never receive. My need? My need is simple: My need is the remaining innocence you hold within that perfect body, but not much is left... But don’t be afraid, It’s only the path that the god you rejected set for you to carry out on his command. Don’t cry, It will all be over soon, but I can’t make any promises. I leave you here. Rot. Rot like the love your cold damp presence left out to dry. Like the love I never received. Like my love, my own, I.
Critique - I like what you did. however alot of things are oversaid, possibly for emphasis but somewhat unneeded. Also some of your lines are too wordy and that can bore a reader at time. Oponion - Good job, I liked the emotion it was written with even though your style is alot different than mine.
The thing is that this is a poem which could mean absolutely anything. That's the beauty of it because it describes every little detail but what it's actualy about. That's why everything seemed, as you said, oversaid. But you need to paint a picture in your head of what's actualy going on in this poem. There are several meanings that can be identified; Suicide, Rape, Prostitution, Emotions just to highlight a few. And the lines aren't wordy, they're just vocabulary that connect with the tone and emphasis of the poem, if they wern't the way they were then the structure of the poem would differ in places and seem incomplete. But I do appreciate your opinion and thank you for commenting on it.
Ah, definitely some great writing there man. I liked the analogies you used throughout the poem. It gave it character. Keep up the great work.