Consumed by pride This is my life Don’t hold me back From falling into this trap Every step that I’ll take Is a curse, a mistake Just leave me here in this place I’ve proven that you’re a fake I’ll push you aside Stop making the lies Enough deception You’ve no good intentions No use to remind you, That you are a fake Remember you used to kick me down The days when I was not so strong The horrid things you’d make me do All the lies that I’ve been put through Now I’ll make you pay forever I’ll never doubt myself not ever I’ve gotten rid of all my useless traits So this is where it ends today B) feels unfinished. o well. enjoy.
I agree on that unfinished feeling but it's not too bad, a bit short as you seemed to be going for a verse chorus style poem and it finished after 2 verses and only one chorus. I felt that the rhyming was too force and it felt......kind of blunt and took away from the poem. I think you would do better to rhyme every second line, if at all, but that's just my opinion, i felt the rhyming on ever line combined with the shorntess of your lines took away from the poem. Great attempt.
thanks for the feedback guys haha. david, you pointed out the exact flaws within this "song" or "poem"...the verse chorus thing was what i was going for actually, and i still feel that this one needs more work. O well thanks for the feedback, i appreciate it.