Guillotine

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by Arhaz, Aug 14, 2005.

  1. #1
    Arhaz

    Arhaz ...waiting. LPA Super Member

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    Guillotine.


    Deaf to the loud voices that call out from behind,
    I walk on this long winding road, lost in my mind,
    Where do these entwining thoughts take my rusted soul?
    I reside in the depths of the sea beside the ruddy shore.
    The guillotine sounds like an enraged devil, I can hear it,
    I’ve lost all hope to walk away, and I never feared it.
    Paying for something I have never done,
    I’m paying with pleasure by being shunned.
    Step by step closer to my final destination,
    I force upon myself no plans of escape, no contemplation,
    It has to come, what has to come, and you have to be what you are,
    The truth is what you believe, what you know, the voices lie from afar.
    Blood drops are but humble ways for the modest to exclaim martyrdom,
    Up the stairs, beside the hangman, I know my last words shan’t come.
    I shan’t bleed, for it makes me too proud, I shan’t scream,
    “I want the world to see my dying face, see this living dream”.
    A word to the chief, and he’s isn’t impressed, just a spark of being astounded,
    No order to the rioters to salute the brave man, Death’s dumbfounded.
    Casually as possible the hangman reappears,
    The wizards respect with their long beards, the guards with falling spears,
    The youth cull their spirits, cheering ever so wildly,
    The Chief brushes away this mirth, like dust, ever so mildly.
    The hangman looks me in the eye; I look back with gratitude,
    He bends his head in respect; he’d never seen this attitude.

    I couldn’t believe myself enough, for I died once and never after,
    The mourning moments could be heard, hanging there, the loss of every laughter.
    The masses exit through the overshadowing gates, talking about me,
    If you die once, once alone soldier, might you as well die with dignity.
     
  2. #2
    sickcycle

    sickcycle Well-Known Member

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    I thought the subject was ace, man, this was nice! If you used a diferent rhyme pattern it would have worked better, maybe break it up into diferent sections, paragraphs what have you, makes it easier to follow. It kept getting better, by the end, like the last four lines about the hangman was the best part, keep up the good work!
     
  3. #3
    Kate

    Kate beat me senseless LPA Super Member

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    Contrary to sickcycle, I think the rhyme scheme suited this particular topic well. It flowed nicely.

    Good work.
     
  4. #4
    D_A_V_I_D

    D_A_V_I_D Pure Pwnage

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    I agree, youv'e developed your own style, with not always the most conventionaly rhyme patters.

    great job. Loved the poem, I thought the death could have been more dramatic as it had a good built up but i wasn't dissapointed with the poem at all. Nice write.
     
  5. #5
    Arhaz

    Arhaz ...waiting. LPA Super Member

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    thanks a lot guys. it feels great to recieve such reviews. ^_^
     

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