i haven't posed anything for a while and this is also my first attempt at lyric writting. here goes... leaving me chorus the lies you told have made you cold your life has no more soul the love, the hate the life you take my heart now starts to break verse 1 you left me to bleed all alone the emotions i could not contain you just up and left me by myself no longer the feeling i could refrain verse 2 the pain inside was rooted up like a rose torn from the ground i thought we would be together forever as eternally bound verse 3 why couldn't you tell me the time when you were thinking of leaving cause when you died, i died with you even thought my heart keeps on beating any thoughts and comments most welcome even it it's not that good. i want to be able to improve my skills!
Ok, i think you went in too hard for th rhyming and ended up with something that would have sounded better without it. It doesnt feel like you rhymed to creat a great flow, which rhyming can do, especially in a sound. It sounds like you just rhyme for the sake of rhyming because you thought the song should rhyme. I'm not completely destroying it but the forced rhyming really takes away from it. [/end lyric bashing] Though the meaning was really good, and i feel that a rewrite of this could really turn it into something much better. Keep up the good work.
thanks for you honsest comments. i think i may try to rewrite this maybe without the rhyming. thanks for the tip!