i don't know what's gotten into me but i thought i'd post a few poems here since i've already flooded my thread at the FMMB. these are all [in chronological order] from my 23rd volume of poetry, called "irrational union". this volume has come to be the longest of them all, doubling the length of the longest thus far (out of the completed ones) and it's not yet finished. 313 PLASTIC hear distorted messages, reaching for your mind, twisting and turning and you just don't understand; don't worry; it won't take long. i suppose everyone else will tell you that it's all made of plastic. i don't care. i'm through trying to convince everyone. you can go and believe in whatever you want because i believe everyone's sick of having everything shoved in their faces; no one wants anything forced onto them; nothing is necessary as far as i'm concerned. at least, not for everyone else. i'm on my own and i believe; i always will. i agree with the skeptics too; i can relate to just about every side of the argument. i still believe. there's truth in all fiction. there's truth in every argument. in every lie. there's truth everywhere and i'm through with trying to convince you that there's only one. if you don't believe, that's it for you, then. i'm not on any mission here. i feel you there. i'm not lying; i know who you are. i know you. you're just another figure in the shadows to everyone else and i'm sure you're sick of that, sick of just being another person. if you don't want to listen, i won't tell. i'll have sympathy but that's all i can do. but i know that, in the end, it was your choice and my intervention would not have helped. maybe i'll be plagued by guilt after you're gone or maybe i'll absorb and accept my own words ... ... i promise i won't bother and pester you. i won't force anything on you. if you want to see a light, you can turn around but if you don't want to, i won't make you. that doesn't go for everyone but i'm setting an example here. i promise; if you say no, i won't. that's all i can promise you.~ THE VAMPIRIAL watch me when i wake, i'm still who i was. if i see the signs, don't say it's meaningless; believe me when i tell you there's something to be found ... ... spin around and around, searching for meaning in the dark; if there's danger, feel free to take me with you; don't hesitate if it's hopeless. i see a light in your eyes; so, do you trust me now? how much would you give? how far would you go tonight? is it worth the effort to you? don't let fear hold you down if you're uncertain, now that you don't feel you have much of a chance; just remember; you're not alone ... STREETLIGHTS the time has come again when you find yourself here, reflecting on a past that you can't help but think you left a bit empty ... ... when the wind feels so pleasant on your face and the rain dampens your jacket as you make your way across these lonely streets again. still can't describe your life at this time ... it's late and you're just here because it's become tradition ... ... it's always this time, always this day when you try to come to terms with everything, with how things are right now, just trying to make sense of everything that's going on; and, sometimes, it's a bit hard. but it's always a new beginning. a chance to start anew. yes, this is the place; the place where you ceremoniously come to terms with everything that's happened ... and where you try to deal with whatever burdens you; everyone deserves another chance and this is the place where you truly feel that ... ... it's like there's someone here that you're waiting on to tell you that it's all going to be okay ... ... that you can go on and not have these things weigh you down; this is where it ends and this is where it begins again. your little world on an empty street, your whole life under this light; you know, sometimes, it gets a little cold here ... THE PROCEDURE (SUNSET) ... when you go too far, you always wind up too far away; always distance yourself from everything that goes down; (the choice made you!) the consequences; the victims; always so disconnected; you don't feel a thing ... ... it's coming back for you now. it's taking back what you stole. staring at the sunset, wondering what's become of everyone you left behind ... (and what was left in the wake of all the fires you started; ) INTERMISSION (THE GENUS) the fear has returned, the pressure is mounting again. this is where we started out; remember? the genus ... ... we've gone so far ... and, now, we're back here, fearing for our very safety as our hearts continue to bleed onto our sleeves - this is what we've been trying for; to make it back here and put ourselves to the test again, to hear that we've made it somewhere since we began, so long ago; we'll just keep hoping, because this is the reality. this is where we'll find the truth. this is the end; this is where we'll start again; a new beginning ... ... where we'll put everything else behind us ... ... this is where we'll find out who we really are; we've awaited this day for a long time now, haven't we? here's a new one. still on the same volume, though i expect it to come to a close soon. THE YEAR BEFORE triggers the defense, pulls the trigger; and you're alone again. [reflection] regretting what happened then, wishing you'd only been there; just hiding in the shadows, nothing but a f**king ghost ... ... last year, the year before; the memory, spread across; the way the blood splatters on a wall, on the floor; all over the place ... ... hard to forget but you can't pinpoint, every second, another glimpse but it's lost in a crowd; you'd cherish it all but you've forgotten it now. there's nothing left but a swirl of words, faces, smiles ... it's all mixed up; it's all f**ked up in your head now ... ... vague, scattered bits and pieces; like how blood covers every corner of the room, it's just so hard to forget, but, still, what you're holding onto isn't enough ... THE FOURTH STAGE hindsight will get us nowhere now; we'll only get lost in it if we start; (we've reached the fourth stage, where everything becomes useless) we can look back but it won't mean anything; we can't take back what's been stolen, the clock won't go back; we can't apologise. we can't say that one last thing; there's always that one last thing; we always put it off ... ... we can ponder the motives forever, we can ask what those words meant, but it will only make us feel worse. what's done can't be undone; not this time. we can all pretend we're going somewhere with figuring everything out here, but we're still just sitting back and moving on; we mourn the ones we've lost ... and we try our best to just forget the culprit because there's enough on our minds already. there's enough to get over already; without adding these cryptic rantings to the pile to haunt us through the rest of our days because we'll never come to truly understand them ... YOU'LL BLEED OUT OF CONTROL!! that's just it, isn't it? you've just become drawn into her, immersed in everything she is; (everything you believe she is) suddenly, she's your whole world; like being stuck between walls as they close in on you; it starts to crush you under its weight ... ... and you've disappeared, you've hidden yourself behind that brief, wordless smile again. still, however you lie to yourself, it's still all too easy to just throw it all away at a whim; but you'll never be totally rid of it. it'll linger with you forever; because some part of you will always be willing to allow it. some part of you will always want it, always long for it ... hate it.