System Failed As we look out of your window, I’m thinking back on my past times, I can’t believe, How did I ever sink as low as that, And yet the makers don’t get hurt, How can that be fair, Throw me to the wolves, I’m never going to leave this place, Until the day we burn it all, And if it can’t save the innocent, A system failed. (Repeatx3) Please someone help me, I am dieing, Dieing right here, In the arms of the past.
I dont know how i feel about this one. It is not bad. And i like the meaning behind the whole poem but i didnt feel the rhythm behind it. i couldnt find the flow. But this is my opinion, Definently keep writing and improve yourself. Also a bit longer wouldnt hurt as i feel this could have been better if you went further with it.
yeah, i agree. i feel that you're not expressing entirely what you mean. i know it may be hard, but if you work on it, i bet you'll get a very good poem. i dont dislike it, but i believe you could work on it. good job
i really love the noble meaning the poem holds...but just one thing "dieing" is spelt as "dying"....i love it, otherwise!!!