She's Dying

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by a life in ashes, Apr 29, 2005.

  1. #1
    a life in ashes

    a life in ashes mercury summer

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2005
    Messages:
    1,545
    Likes Received:
    2
    a life in ashes, Apr 29, 2005



    She's Dying

    She cuts herself again,
    Struggling against the tide,
    She'll fall until she takes her place,
    In the great below,
    So cease the fight,
    She's about to die,

    She's dying,
    She's dying,
    She's dying,
    All because of you,

    It's a perfect lie that's died,
    She'll never be the same,
    She never knew the truth,
    And it shows,
    So cease the fight,
    She's about to die,

    She's dying,
    She's dying,
    She's dying,
    All because of you,

    So cease the fight,
    She's about to die,
    All because of you,

    She's dying,
    She's dying,
    She's dying,
    All because of you.

    thoughts pls....
     
  2. #2
    fallenangel

    fallenangel Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2005
    Messages:
    623
    Likes Received:
    0
    fallenangel, Apr 29, 2005



    i think that this is a good attempt! well done! but ido think you could put another verse in just to make it that bit longer cause you only really have two but that's just a personal liking! ;)

    but apart from that, it's good! ^_^
     
  3. #3
    D_A_V_I_D

    D_A_V_I_D Pure Pwnage

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2005
    Messages:
    938
    Likes Received:
    2
    D_A_V_I_D, Apr 30, 2005



    i agree that it would be better with at least one more verse but that is my opinion. But the whole third person thing i thought you pulled off very well. Great poem, keep up the good work.
     

Share This Page