i understood it loud and clear there is no room for me in here the summer sun is in the sky i close my eyes and step aside i watch the people on the streets but nothing's really what it seems everybody tends to smile but it will only last a while summer sun above my head i bet you'll never understand the way i feel the way i am waiting for this day to end seasons come and seasons go i pray for day this summer's gone the rain will fall and wash away all the hurt i kept in me
Quite good, there was the odd place it lost it's flow, but not too often but the thing that annoys me the most is that it doesn't seem to fully conclude in my mind. So i think it could do with one more stanza, just to conclude it, other than that it's pretty good, keep writing.
yeah, one more stanza would give it a great kick at the end but other than that, it was fab! a bit sad, but a fab write!
thanks everyone i'll try to complete this piece of work with another stanza since most of you think it could serve it well thanks for comments