Snowflake A snowflake falls from the sky Like a gift from up high The ashes of a heavenly cremation The dust of angels blanket a nation Every flake tells its own tale Each a ghost with a face so pale But amongst the millions one stands out As it gently blows and drifts about It seems so bright in a dark, grey world For it’s beauty there is not a word A thousand suns would not drop it to its knees But a thousand tears it could freeze The thought of it makes me feel so cold But still I wish it was there to hold I look back to the years where I was complacent Happy to sit idle in my basement To a time when I needed nothing else But to be by myself Now this light has caught my eye Has written me a tear-stained lullaby And today I gaze out the window I start to smother For the snowflake has landed on the tongue of another Here is the latest version. I bit longer, but the older lines remain unchanged. The original in below. Snowflake A snowflake falls from the sky Like a gift from up high The ashes of a heavenly cremation The dust of angels blanket a nation Every flake tells its own tale Each a ghost with a face so pale But amongst the millions one stands out As it gently blows and drifts about It seems so bright in a dark, grey world For it’s beauty there is not a word A thousand suns would not drop it to its knees But a thousand tears it could freeze The thought of it makes me feel so cold But still I wish it was there to hold And as I gaze out the window I start to smother For the snowflake has landed on the tongue of another I don't really like this one. I think I will probably try to edit and am open to suggestions. I really wanted to write a poem referring to a person as a snowflake, but I am really struggling to get anywhere. Any comments and critisisms would be appreciated. I know this thing has rough edges and forced rhymes, but point them out anyways. Also, if the whole thing is crap feel free to say so. Thanks.
Doesn't seem all that forced to me, I thought this was pretty good, seems a tad bit short though haha.
loved it....it started great. the last two lines just need to be changed. otherwise it's a brilliant piece...so...DON'T DO ANYTHING TO IT!