It's twisted alright. A little on the sentimental side She was there in all her glory But still with so many worries Her head could have exploded for all that she wanted When confronted about her tears in her book She looked scared and afraid in her eyes, so in rage her hands shook Didn’t look for some pills to take Make her heal herself of some godly misery Put her down in all her highs trying so kindly But She had many lows more than the distant stars could see Believe when I say she was afraid, because what was once normal and proud Was now found twisted and upside down She fell in love by catching the bug It drugged her to the edge cringing at the ledge Her mind was confused put down left for dead Caged in this world her lover made instead She ran through a jungle cutting through the trusted lies She ran past the waterfall crying inside Looking for somewhere else she could’ve been In doubt of what could put her in this transpired maddening day She ran into a maze more corrupted than the suns gaze Looking down upon her sulken page As she came towards the end She sent this message towards her boyfriend “You screwed me over yet our love can’t be over” Still she was confused and lost in this world she made up in pretend Her boyfriend left her a notice of the separate weeks in advance This gave her days to plan out the rest of her life Cause she’ll be spending it with out him every night But she gave in to the guilt, the pain, the tugging strangle that was left upon her heart “God please save me from this game I’m rushing towards the knifes.” She yelled out in all the pain Gouging out the lies she layed inside a frame Locked forever in her misery to one day see that all wasn’t pretend It was reality in her mind playing in the wind It was her at the alter crying Her life was ruined by her fiancé and the fighting They were to get married But he left her with this pain in her brain to carry forever
Sorry I didn't comment on this earlier. Good structure, good rhyming, great vocabulary. All that said, omce in a while I had to ask myself "What the hell is he trying to say." It semed a few lines sounded great, but either had no purpose or had one too obscure for me to grasp. All in all, I really enjoyed this. Great job.
Yer i agree, i couldn't find a clear centre to this piece. It also felt a bit forced in some places. I don't know what to say about this poem, there is potential but you havn't managed to really pull it off this time. Maybe a re-write would be good. There is definently something there.