Regret

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by Seinfeld, Mar 17, 2006.

  1. #1
    Seinfeld

    Seinfeld We are the nobodies LPA Super Member

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    Regret

    I've found you once before,
    Lying there bleeding on the porch.
    I can't believe you let him hit you again!
    I can't believe this all seems to make sense!
    Everytime I go away you get bashed!
    Everytime I come back you look so trashed!
    That's it!
    I'm taking dad's old gun/got it cocked!
    Damn the coward's in the closet/door locked!
    It's funny how he'll hit a mother,
    but run away from all the others!
    The guy's gone/he's wasted!
    Enjoying all the mysogyny he has tasted!
    I won't let him get off the hook!
    I wanna see how scared he looks,
    when I got him cornered/all pissed, seeing red!
    All this hatred spreading like poisonous lead!
    Bang!
    I did it/they're taking me away now!
    I think about it and somehow,
    it just wasn't worth it, to go and be the same
    as this dude and his sick-ass game!
    I wish I would've let the judge decide
    before I went with thoughtless homicide!
    Well to late to take it all back!
    No way in hell they'll cut some slack!
    I did what I've done!
    I know it was dumb!
    But now I know that from the start to the end
    I was the same as him again!
    I can't ever even try to forget!
    So I'm stuck to all my regret!


    It's nothing that's ever happened to me but...sometimes you feel you wanna do something dumb just to get rid of you're problems...so I decided to go with this kinda prob. ...
     
  2. #2
    Linja

    Linja Good. Be magnanimous. Über Member

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    Nice writing, but I think you've gone on exclamationmarkoverload a little.
     
  3. #3
    Lilian

    Lilian Well-Known Member

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    Good writing style, but i didn't understand it. Who "you" shot?
    And too many exclamation marks, just that!:)
     
  4. #4
    Seinfeld

    Seinfeld We are the nobodies LPA Super Member

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    Sry old habit on the exclamations...just can't seem to let go of the good old exclamation mark... :p about who got shot?...the abusive dude...obviously I need some practise on how to write stories where it's clear what's going on and with less of these: !!! :p (thank U 2 both...I'll try and improve :))
     
  5. #5
    Lilian

    Lilian Well-Known Member

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    NOOO! Don't change your writing style. Don't make it clear. I said I didn't get it. I just needed a definition!! It's good, mysterious and it's yours. You will change it for no one. Right?

    Edit: your writing style i mean.
     
  6. #6
    esaul17

    esaul17 antichrist

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    I'm sorry, but the rhyming seems kind of poor. The message seems quite clear, I don't know how anyone could have thought you shot someone OTHER than the abusive guy. It had a good moral, but seemed kind of poorly presented. I'm not trying to be harsh, just honest. And I'm not telling you to change your style, do what you will with that.

    Also, mysogyny should be spelt misogyny.
     
  7. #7
    Seinfeld

    Seinfeld We are the nobodies LPA Super Member

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    no,no! honest is always good!...and...seriously?...I knew I missed something I wanted to check on...it's kinda sad that I spelled a word wrong I've looked up like 50billion times...thanks dude...I'll try and get better with the rhyming (while sticking with my style :p)
     
  8. #8
    esaul17

    esaul17 antichrist

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    Honestly the only reason I knew you spelt it wrong was because I had no clue what it meant and I searched it up on dictionary.com.
     
  9. #9
    Seinfeld

    Seinfeld We are the nobodies LPA Super Member

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    lol...sry...I'll be more...uhm...accurate...with spelling... :p
     
  10. #10
    esaul17

    esaul17 antichrist

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    No, I didn't know the word at all. It wasn't because it was spelt wrong, I just hadn't heard it before. I was trying to tell you that you were good for actually knowing it, not an idiot for mispelling it.
     
  11. #11
    Seinfeld

    Seinfeld We are the nobodies LPA Super Member

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    or both :p lol...just kidding...thanx man! :)
     

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