Cold Heart (Poem)

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by Seinfeld, Jul 2, 2006.

  1. #1
    Seinfeld

    Seinfeld We are the nobodies LPA Super Member

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2006
    Messages:
    3,653
    Likes Received:
    4



    Cold Heart (Poem):

    When the icy cold takes it out on me
    I'll shed my skin hoping my wounds won't bleed
    But my wounds have been driven so deep
    that even the softest edges seem so sharp
    I'll let go of the moonlight and slowly sink into dark
    I'll scream out my inner fears
    Hoping you know I need you here
    It's time I realized you're nowhere near

    You never were...

    You've left me to myself...

    ...to myself and my cold heart




    thoughts plz...
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2006
  2. #2
    a life in ashes

    a life in ashes mercury summer

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2005
    Messages:
    1,545
    Likes Received:
    2



    I like it, a well written poem

    short, but powerful.
     
  3. #3
    Seinfeld

    Seinfeld We are the nobodies LPA Super Member

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2006
    Messages:
    3,653
    Likes Received:
    4



    thankz ^_^
     
  4. #4
    miny_girl_LP

    miny_girl_LP wow the dark side has cookies!I'm there!

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2006
    Messages:
    1,207
    Likes Received:
    4



    i think it's really good!!!
    i only write like this when i'm in a deep deep depression.ha...
    What inspired you to write it or you just felt like it?
     
  5. #5
    |CHRYSALIS of DEJECTION|

    |CHRYSALIS of DEJECTION| Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2006
    Messages:
    226
    Likes Received:
    0



    Awesome !!! .. Sumtimes short poems convey more meaning than the long n complicated ones...in other words..i like it heaps...^_^
     
  6. #6
    Seinfeld

    Seinfeld We are the nobodies LPA Super Member

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2006
    Messages:
    3,653
    Likes Received:
    4




    well....when I wrote it I had just broken up with my girlfriend and sorrta thought I'd write how we both might feel (I deffinetly felt that way and also felt bad for hurting her....so I needed to get it off my chest)
     
  7. #7
    miny_girl_LP

    miny_girl_LP wow the dark side has cookies!I'm there!

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2006
    Messages:
    1,207
    Likes Received:
    4



    well....you found the right words!!!It's really good!
     
  8. #8
    Seinfeld

    Seinfeld We are the nobodies LPA Super Member

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2006
    Messages:
    3,653
    Likes Received:
    4



    thankies ^_^
     
  9. #9
    esaul17

    esaul17 antichrist

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2004
    Messages:
    2,604
    Likes Received:
    1



    I like your other one more, but this isn't bad. It stands out as a bit odd that you say this person both left and was never present in the first place. Things like that aren't uncommon but seem to cause a poem to lack continuity for me. Regardless, it isn't a bad piece. I just thought I'd point that out to you.


    Also, it's icy, not icey. Just so you know.
     
  10. #10
    Seinfeld

    Seinfeld We are the nobodies LPA Super Member

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2006
    Messages:
    3,653
    Likes Received:
    4



    thanks 4 telling me ^_^....and thanx 4 the icy....I missed it :whistling
     

Share This Page