Time gives (by taking): Broken windows and aching spines When time holds us tight Even love can mend a tortured mind Emptied bottles and shattered hearts When time passes us by Even the strongest love is torn apart Please just give in Just give it up Don't keep going But don't you dare stop Forgotten hopes and punctured lungs Then time brings up lies Even piercing the slickest tongues Pumping adrenaline and bursting veins Then time opens our eyes Even washing away the darkest stains Please just give in Just give it up Don't keep going But don't you dare stop No, don't stop No, don't stop Don't you dare stop! I really hope you guys like it since I just wrote this within 10 minuts
Cool poem (or lyric maybe). One thing I want to point out is that, although it isn't a bad idea, starting each line with "Even" made some lines sound a bit awkward. "Even love can mend a tortured mind" seemed to degrade love in my eyes (as in you were saying if even love can mend it, anything can!). I know this wasn't you intention, and it is a minor little thing, but I try to pick out something in my comments as constructive criticism is more usful to you than pure praise. EDIT: Basically, I am saying it's a good poem but I brought up a complain for the sake of having a suggestion.
Lol...it's your opinion and my desicion what I do with your suggestions so don't explain yourself but now that you point it out I see it too thank U I'll work on it *huggies* thankies 4 feedback