Inside myself I slowly slumber, To the rhythm of the new world humbler. Convincing and tearing I slowly sleep, To the echo of the echoing darkening deep. Found out long ago I need to rest, Found out long ago that it is none to lest. I lost myself in the weakening, I found myself in the deepening. Myself, my soul, my self esteem, Just too much it finds to gleam. In the glory, in the history of my past, None I was, the one that couldn’t last. So pure, soulless, you won over the kiss, So don’t heed anymore, to hurt what I am this. Singing a song of hate, singing that song of lust, What must I be, what must as to be must, To the noose, I walk alone, Look to the ceiling the curving dome. So gentle but so misunderstood, Wish I could have told you, I wish I could. To commit this crime was my own choice, To think about it, to cry or to rejoice. I hold my lonely heart in my lap, To give in, is a no mans land map. In hole I see myself lying, In the hole, I see everything dying. These images are so real, And these wounds is what I must feel.
It is a good piece overall, and your use of language strengthens it for the most part. Some lines don't make any sense to me though. Like this: Found out long ago that it is none to lest. A few others too. Maybe I'm just dumb though. Good job regardless. It held a nice atmosphere.