These feelings suck. I can’t get away from what you said last time out of my mind The things you said has got me running away from the time I can’t stop all these haunting thoughts that’s clouding my head The words I hear are making me dread all of the painful things I’ve said But the more I close them out The more they begin to shout Bringing back the pain that came attached that made me feel just like another person in doubt Lean on my shoulder And Open the closer Releasing all the rain that built up all the pain (coming back to get the facts the lack of concern that you put inside I feel stacked) It’s making me older and leaving the shame built up on me (Now I want to leave them behind cringing inside) Now I want to detach from you and the gainless doubt I drew Diving inside I look for another way to get back out of myself Now I find that I’m not yet free to be me Diving inside I look for the un seen things But the more that I looked The more feelings the time took Bringing back the pain attached that made me feel again that my whole entire world’s been shook But the pain is getting deeper But the pain is getting deeper BUT THE PAIN IS GETTING DEEPER THE PAIN IS GETTING DEEPER AND I CAN’T MAKE IT STOP Lean on my shoulder And Open the closer Releasing all the rain that built up all the pain (coming back to get the facts the lack of concern that you put inside I feel stacked) It’s making me older and leaving the shame built up on me (Now I want to leave them behind cringing inside) Getting deeper It’s Getting deeper But now I realize that I’m afraid You called me out like a fool in the day My life was good, but it wasn’t what it should This must go away today before it makes me wake And when that happens you better step away Because when that happens the whole world will shake Getting deeper It’s Getting deeper And I can’t make it stop
Not bad, I liked your other more though. One thing I don't like here is that the lines don't flow (in my opinion). They are too varied in length. It isn't bad, it just doesn't ahve anything really special to make it stand out for me. No offense, and keep writing. I'd like to see the final version of the piece you posted earlier.
^ I'm still working on the final build. Plus this writing you just looked at keeps changing. It's not even done. I just whipped it up. But I'll try to get a finished version of my other one. Thanks Oh and read the lyrics a little faster it may flow.
your style is so distinct, i can recognize it if i read poems and lyrics at random. it started of brilliantly and nearly ended as well. the body was screaming "attention gaining amplitude"...cliche topic, but you carried it off well.