Let me grow up: Torn from my heart, torn from my soul Left me here with this gaping hole Like the scabs on my body, the wounds in my mind will never mend I don't know where it started, but I know how it's gonna end [I feel we're a few glares shy of just another big piss fight ...mother. I want to outgrow my straining skin I want to outrun this situation we're stuck in] Left behind again, left here on my own The fact they don't care, cuts deeper than the bone Their tongues are foul and twisted again and again I'm told a lie Another false prophit and I'm closer, closer to the day I'll drop down and die [I feel we're a few glares shy of just another big piss fight ...mother. I want to outgrow my straining skin I want to outrun this situation we're stuck in] When will it end? When am I free? When will you let me grow up? When will you let me.. GO!? I wrote this one, 'cause I feel somewhat alone...well...not exactly alone...but it's like my family (me and my mom) is falling apart...every day we get into fights and I don't even really know why...and my dad acts like he's so responsible eventhough he only talks to me like...once every month for like 5 minutes...that's why I was talking about a false prophit...my father keeps telling me about what's gonna go wrong if I do this or that...he doesn't even know shit about what's going on in my life...and dropping down to die isn't meant like: I'm dead...it's more like: I'm getting more distanced...or even just becoming someone else... it's really hard to get in to it...I admit it...but I like it...I hit the big 'bullseye' this time...I finally got out what I meant...even if it's somewhat...uhm...unclear...hope someone likes it (the let me grow up as a title was actually menat as a message to my parents...they should stop 'babying' me... )
I am a bit confused about your mindset. You say you want to be let go, but you say you don't want to be neglected. You strive to stand on your own, but curse them when they don't help support you. I am not quite sure what you seem to be asking for. In the actual poem. It was emotional, but really unrefined in my eyes. I find that happens to be a lot too if I am really emotional, I just start writing and don't really have a goal and the piece is not my best work. No offense or anything, but it just seems like you are confused yourself so the message came out unclear. I went through that before too, not with family but with something else. I felt I loved this girl, but also had always told myself I wouldn't fall in love and resented my feelings. In the end I just wrote about the one side of things, because I wasn't skilled enough to accurately depict my confusion and struggle poetically. However, I do realize that this is more of a personal release than a large attempt at improving your poetic standing, but this IS a writing board, so receiving advice on writing should be expected. Some parts of the poem just seems really unrefined. The "piss fight" was one of them. It just didn't seem to have anything poetic about it and stuck out as a sore thumb in even a mediocre one of your pieces. Also, just as a heads up, it is spelled prophet. Sorry if this seems harsh. I just can't help but see your message as hypocritical and your writing unrefined in this particular piece (usually you are better). The verses in themselves aren't bad, especially the second one (barring the final line in my eyes). But the rest just doesn't work for me. Sorry.