Well before you read this all I wanna say is that dont have this misconception that a poem with rhyme need to be a forced one,it can be or it need not be a forced one,so keep an open mind and read this poem,and do tell me your comments. Loser I sit in a corner and begin to weep As sadness takes happiness away with its sweep I've spent endless time in pain without sleep And I'm wounded and you cant see it, its too deep And I wonder how I lost even before the race And what all went wrong in the first place And how I couldn't keep up to the pace And now all the happiness sunk without a trace Did I try so hard so that in the end I had to lose ? Did I walk on the same path which I did choose ? Why then did I add up more to my existing woes ? And was I serious at all or was I on booze ? Are all my efforts and the hard work nothing but waste ? Maybe this is what I got for acting in haste I need success, yuck I am fed up with failure's taste Wanna feel the same ? do nothing, just stand idle with your hands on your waist
i know that not all poems have to be forced when they rhyme but biggeners who rhyme seem to do this often. This is a great poem and it didnt feel forced at all (mabye a little bit on the last line). The second line reminded me of points of authority. lol . Great work. Obviously the work of a tallented writter.
god, aham! you just keep amazing me!!! fucking good work as always. You know? this one reminds me when we are kind of obsessed for having one thing or one person or whatever and we kind of try so hard that we just screw it all up. well, its just something that came through my mind right now lol. but i believe you did a very good job here. you've demonstrated before that you don't really need rhymes to make a poem really powerful, deep or meaningful, but i believe this one's just awesome. your lines come from the heart and that's what i like about them. I must say this kind of reminds me to "crawling video" lol i dont really know why. ok, (seriously) you've done an excellent job. i really enjoy reading your stuff. i always find something new inside your words and that makes me feel really good. well, i believe that's all i have to say. AMAZING!!! PS-no smilies this time buddy lol
i did like this poem but i thought your other ones were better (just my opinion) i did like the topic and i thought that this bit was really good. keep up the good work and i would love to see more!