The War of Two Hearts

Not too crazy about the title as of right now, but I'll get over it. I haven't posted in a while, so I'm a little rusty. But any and all comments/constructive criticism is appreciated. =] This poem is somewhat short in comparison to some of my others. If it was longer I'd call it an epic, but since it's not, perhaps it's closer to a ballad? I don't know. Anyway.. without further stalling:


The War of Two Hearts

two lovers both age twenty-one
vowed to never seprarate
but their's is a chonicle of young love gone lost
two hearts oh so unfortunate

they were engaged to be married some late winter month
once he was to return from his mission abroad
how were either to know of this tragic fate
of the sacrifice just to gain laud

as the battle raged on and the weeks turned to months
the girl found herself alone in the bed that they shared
curled up by herself with the television up loud
she read the words on the screen several times and just stared

and as the anchorman read the news aloud that night
the girl fell to her knees and let out a scream
but what's one more percentage of a statistic
to another's shattered dream?

-©Amanda B. (.in.the.shadows.) 2005

 

very simple. very eloquent.
and i also love your avatar, Amanda.

 

The title doesn't really fit, but the poem itself is beautiful.

 

you can write? wow

but in the words of Derek...BRA-VO *golf clap*

 

I liked it, especially the ending. It had a few rough edges, but all in all a good effort and it paid off. If I had to find a weakness, I would say it could haved flowed a bit better.