Vampire: I dig your fingers out of my hair And hope I can escape that wicked glare It's hard to ignore your leering at me And forget what this situation has come to be I bury you inbetween my sheets Just to escape your K-9 teeth Honestly, Id rather see you die Than have you suck my veins dry, (Vampire) You're just like a vampire Following your very desires (Vampire) Just before you go haywire You're just like a vampire I run off at the break of dawn Really hoping I can get me gone Soon enough, so you never wake to eat the heart you were out to take (Vampire) You're just like a vampire Following your very desires (Vampire) Just before you go haywire You're just like a vampire You won't eat me You won't suck me dry You can't get me You can't make me die Kinda obvious what I want to say here... hope someone likes it
Have i told you lately that i'm your biggest fan!!!!!I love your work!*bows* I love the line You're just like a vampire Following your very desires I t reminds me so much of me!
Personally I think you've done better. Something about this one just didn't click for me. It seemed very blunt, and at times awkwardly worded. Lacking and flow or real style. I don't want to be insulting, but I think you have some forced rhymes and odd-lengthed lines. A good try though.
see people? this is why I post my work here. because of people like esaul here...I don't want praise...I want someone to tell me what's wrong with what I've written thank you